The Conspiracy In Full

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The Conspiracy In Full
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Thursday, November 15, 2007 at 7:04pm Edit Note Delete
Yes, well it's another day, another foolish assumption that people are remotely interested in my agrevation. I have been off work today feeling like a large pile of unwanted matter thrown together into some passing resemblance of a human being(I was ill, should have just said that really). When my mother past me a crisp white envelope with the words ARGOS stamped merrily accross the front. "Wonderful" I exclaimed, clearly this was the notification informing me that my lovely new sofa was ready for delivery. I was wrong. It was in fact a letter saying that they had somehow failed to notice that they hadn't ordered enough sofas and mine having only been ordered MONTHS ago would not be arriving into the warehouse until the 20th of December-this of course was a speculative date relying on the same forecasters who had predicted the previous delivery time as 28 days. I phoned up the number not provided on the letter or imediatley apparent on the website(it is cleverly hidden in the terms and conditions page the wiley rogues) and , after navigating myself through a virtual labrynth filled with riddles("if you have brought a large kitchen appliance in the past whilst holding a wooden spoon press 1, failing that hold for 22oseconds and recite the alphabet backwards"-or something along those lines)I was imediatly put through to a charming and efficiant gentleman who, sensing my extreme calm and understanding for the plight of a multimillion pound company transfered me to someone who would be able to help, for some reason this was a recording of Boyzones "No matter what" which through me for awhile but before I could query the effectiveness of speaking to defunct 90's boyband about my lack of sofa another extremely helpful gentleman picked up the line. I explained my predicamnet, mainly that I would be without anything at all to sit on for the holiday period and he listened carefully. After a moments silence he asked me my postcode, I asked which one he wanted the correspondance address or the new one. It was like going to a psychiatrist, he said nothing just waited in stony silence until I answered my own question and plumped for the latter. "Thats not the right postcode" , his nasal voice was a balm to my nerves. I tried again realising had in fact given him a hybrid of both postcodes. Well,you got some of it right but not all of it, I'll give you a clue-this man was truly a genius, not only was he challenging me in ways I had never thought possible he was also being vigilant against the increasingly popular trend in identity theft where someone POSING as the customer phones up and makes a complaint-OBVIOUSLY that was what I was trying to do, it makes so much sense, I had every intention once I'd got off the phone from himof phoning up British Gas and complaining that my neighbours were paying far too much in their monthly bills. The fun continued as he proceeded to read out to me the contents of the letter I had just read out to him, I, having learnt from his example waited in stony silence. He tried again, this time he said that I was a high priority, which was rather nice as I don't think I've ever been anyones high priority, and I queried the validity of the estimated waiting time. He explained he was not at liberty to discuss that information(I half expected him to add" until I have my lawyer present"). Eventually I hung up the phone less informed than I had been in the first place, apparently a cheque for sixty pounds will be sent as compensation for my inconveniance which is a relief, at least I'll have something to sit on on christmas day